Replacement?

Another question (usually unspoken ) some may have as we tell them we are adopting is, “Are you trying to replace Kenaniah?” It’s a valid question. As I ask myself, if I’m trying to replace him I have to answer “yes” and “no!”


I have to say yes to some extent because if I had Kenaniah, adoption would not be in my thoughts. With a 6-year-old, twin 4-year-olds and a 7 month old, I don’t think I’d be dreaming of another child anytime soon.

But, at the same time, I have to say a resounding “NO!” to the original question. No one will ever replace Kenaniah. He will always be my first-born son, but I won’t hold him alive until heaven.

If your child died, would another one replace him/her? When you have a second child does he/she take the place of the first? Or does either of them lose value because of the other’s presence? No!!! A parent’s love is amazing. We love all our children! None of them can be replaced! None of them loses value because of his/her sibling’s presence!

I also have to remind anyone who may be asking if we’re adopting to replace the child we lost (instead of having a biological child), that having another biological child could also be trying to replace him. Either way God might bring a child into our family can be viewed as a replacement. Adoption is actually the harder, longer way. We most likely could have been pregnant by now and know approximately when the baby would arrive. With adoption, there’s very little we can do to control how soon we get a baby. It’s also possible that we will have little time to prepare. It may take years or once the paperwork is done they may call any day and say “You can pick up your baby tonight.”

Do I want a baby? YES! I wanted Kenaniah very much! I wanted another child. I especially wanted a son. Am I desperate for a child? No. At times I feel like it, but I’m reminded so often that I am blessed beyond measure with three lovely daughters. Should God close the door on adoption, I still have more than I could ever deserve. I am happier and more at peace right now in this stage of life than I ever remember being. I love where God has me right now. I have the privilege of helping to rear 3 ladies who we pray will serve the Lord however He leads them. I want to pour myself into them and help them become all they can be. God has blessed me and I am thankful!

P.S. We also had the awesome privilege of being dorm parents to some of the finest young men in the world for 6 years. Some of them even called me “Mom,” “my American mom,” or “Momma Angus.” I wouldn’t trade these sons for anything. I wish I could have been more like a mom to them during those years, but I got distracted with teaching and then newborn twins. But guys, if you’re reading this, please know that we love you and we’re here for you if you need us!!!