Apparent Uncertainty

 Can You Bear Uncertainty?

Wow! A friend posted a link to this on Facebook and I clicked on it since "uncertainty" describes our adoption situation almost perfectly right now.

It's a blog by Jon Bloom on April 5, 2010.  There's a whole lot more to it than I'm quoting, but in case you're short on time, here's the part that really struck me!

"When an adoring fan announced his desire to follow him anywhere, Jesus deglamorized things a bit by replying, “Foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” (Luke 9:58).

God doesn’t tell us how that person responded because what’s important is the implied question: can you bear uncertainty? Can you bear not knowing how God is going to provide for your most urgent needs and still trust that he will?

It is a question that Jesus wants all of his disciples to wrestle with. There are simply going to be times when we don’t know where the provision is going to come from. Circumstances will look precarious, sometimes foreboding and threatening. Plans are going to fall through. People are going to disappoint us. They may reject or misunderstand our mission. If these things happened to Jesus, we should not be surprised when they happen to us.

Jesus does not want us to be governed by fear at such times. He wants us governed by faith. The reason is that the uncertainty is only apparent uncertainty. Our future and our provision and our ultimate triumph are certain to God. He has all the foreknowledge, power, resources, and desire to turn everything for good for those who love him and are called by him (Romans 8:28).

Apparently uncertain seasons are usually the most powerful God moments we experience. They often put God on display more than other seasons, demonstrating that God exists and rewards those who seek him (Hebrews 11:6).

So if you are in one of those seasons, take heart. You are likely experiencing what it means to have a God 'who acts for those who wait for him' (Isaiah 64:4).

*If you want to read the entire blog by Jon Bloom, click here Can You Bear Uncertainty?

Why? - More Questions About Our Adoption

Why are you adopting?
Are you scared of another miscarriage?
Are you adopting because you’re afraid of having another miscarriage?

Again these are fair questions, but much easier to answer than the question about replacement (addressed on October 21st). These answers overlap some of what I wrote on October 18th, but take a slightly different angle.

First, “Are you scared of another miscarriage?” Sure. I was scared of miscarriage before I had one. It was much harder than I imagined; yet I’ve had greater peace than I ever dreamed possible. I’m thankful for what God has taught me during the past year. He has shaped and molded me more during this difficult time than in many previous years combined. I believe I’ve become more sensitive to the needs of others and I understand grief better. I’ve seen God take tragedy and make something beautiful. I’ve known the peace that comes from being carried through a storm by a loving God. I know our God better now than I did a year ago.

I don’t think I could ever choose to have a miscarriage, but I wouldn’t trade what I’ve learned through it. The doctor has assured us that we should be able to prevent a similar miscarriage in the future. Of course he can’t be certain, but one thing we are certain of is that IF God allows us to lose another child, He will be with us and will again carry us through!!!

“Are you adopting because you’re afraid of having another miscarriage?” NO! Absolutely not!!!

“Why are you adopting?” There are many wonderful reasons to adopt, but the bottom line is we are adopting because we believe God has definitely led us to. He led us to adoption in several ways and confirmed His leading thorough various means. We don’t know exactly what His plan involves or why He is guiding us this way, but we are following His plan the best we can.

Replacement?

Another question (usually unspoken ) some may have as we tell them we are adopting is, “Are you trying to replace Kenaniah?” It’s a valid question. As I ask myself, if I’m trying to replace him I have to answer “yes” and “no!”


I have to say yes to some extent because if I had Kenaniah, adoption would not be in my thoughts. With a 6-year-old, twin 4-year-olds and a 7 month old, I don’t think I’d be dreaming of another child anytime soon.

But, at the same time, I have to say a resounding “NO!” to the original question. No one will ever replace Kenaniah. He will always be my first-born son, but I won’t hold him alive until heaven.

If your child died, would another one replace him/her? When you have a second child does he/she take the place of the first? Or does either of them lose value because of the other’s presence? No!!! A parent’s love is amazing. We love all our children! None of them can be replaced! None of them loses value because of his/her sibling’s presence!

I also have to remind anyone who may be asking if we’re adopting to replace the child we lost (instead of having a biological child), that having another biological child could also be trying to replace him. Either way God might bring a child into our family can be viewed as a replacement. Adoption is actually the harder, longer way. We most likely could have been pregnant by now and know approximately when the baby would arrive. With adoption, there’s very little we can do to control how soon we get a baby. It’s also possible that we will have little time to prepare. It may take years or once the paperwork is done they may call any day and say “You can pick up your baby tonight.”

Do I want a baby? YES! I wanted Kenaniah very much! I wanted another child. I especially wanted a son. Am I desperate for a child? No. At times I feel like it, but I’m reminded so often that I am blessed beyond measure with three lovely daughters. Should God close the door on adoption, I still have more than I could ever deserve. I am happier and more at peace right now in this stage of life than I ever remember being. I love where God has me right now. I have the privilege of helping to rear 3 ladies who we pray will serve the Lord however He leads them. I want to pour myself into them and help them become all they can be. God has blessed me and I am thankful!

P.S. We also had the awesome privilege of being dorm parents to some of the finest young men in the world for 6 years. Some of them even called me “Mom,” “my American mom,” or “Momma Angus.” I wouldn’t trade these sons for anything. I wish I could have been more like a mom to them during those years, but I got distracted with teaching and then newborn twins. But guys, if you’re reading this, please know that we love you and we’re here for you if you need us!!!

Logical or Supernatural?

Some of the first questions we're asked when we tell people that we are planning to adopt are "Can you not have any more children?" and "Did the doctor tell you not to try again?"  I'm sure there are more who want to ask, but have refrained.  I'm just going to explain it so you don't have to wonder! 

As far as we know, we could have more children and the doctor assured us that things should be fine.  He believes our miscarriage was caused by an incompetent cervix.  They can watch for that and "fix" it.  To be honest, we were trying to have another child when we each individually felt God lead us to adopt instead.

Who should we listen to?  The doctor or our miracle-working God?  Adoption doesn't seem logical from our earthly point of view.  It's time-consuming; it costs a lot of money; there are no guarantees; the time-frame is almost completely out of our hands.   Do we live our lives according to logic or God's plan?

Adoption is something I have to keep casting on the Lord.  I don't totally understand, but I know we are doing our best to follow God's plan for our lives.  At times I remind myself, if God really does want us to adopt, He will provide and He will work out all the details in His perfect time.  I'm responsible to follow Him.

While I was cleaning/organizing for the home study visit (coming this Tuesday at 10 AM), I came across some notes I'd written while reading the Feeding of the 5000.  I was so encouraged when my eyes fell on this statement, "Jesus can multiply what seems like insufficient supplies and make them MORE than enough."

I choose to trust Him and to follow Him.  I'm trying not to live where things make sense, but to trust God to do the supernatural!