So glad we waited on God!

God has been working behind the scenes as we've been waiting on Him.  It has been amazing to sit back and let Him work.  Now I don't mean we've been completely idle.  We felt clear to do our homestudy with Adoption Assistance, Inc so we filled out paperwork and had a homestudy visit.  We've looked at some placing agencies, but just haven't felt clear for one reason or another.  The ones we've leaned toward either wouldn't work with us for some reason (like we already have children or we don't make enough money) or had a very negative evaluation from someone we trust.  So, we've just waited.  We are so glad we did.

As we shared in our last blog, God's Grace Adoption Ministries gave us a matching grant of up to $2500.  Generous friends donated $1129.85 so it will become $2259.70.  PRAISE THE LORD and THANK YOU to the friends who gave!!!  Unfortunately, GGAM cannot tell us who gave.  They will only tell us the total given.  This is frustrating because we cannot thank individuals.  So, if you gave and you're reading this, thank you.  We deeply appreciate your gift!!!  One group that gave was the Pro-Life Ministry from Kentucky Mountain Bible College.  It was so encouraging to be supported by college students (who don't have much money) and to be reminded that God will provide in ways we don't expect.

Sunday I (Marie) was called and asked to participate in a ministry opportunity in October.  I said I'd pray about it and I was to give an answer by Wednesday.  I prayed and talked it over with Brad and planned to call between 4 and 6 to say "Yes!" because I could see no good reason to say "No!"  Brad told me that if God wanted to close the door, He could make it clear.  Well, at 4 o'clock the phone rang. It was a lady from an adoption agency that wouldn't typically work with us because we don't make enough money.  They have a required gross income that we don't meet and then they want you to make $10,000 more per child.  I had e-mailed the agency briefly explaining our situation and asked if they made any exceptions.  Instead of simply replying to my e-mail, she called.  We talked for quite some time and she said that Adoption Assistance does such a good job with home studies that if they approve us, she doesn't care how much we make.  WOW!!  The agency also had been refusing to work with most families who can have biological children, but she told me they changed that policy this week.  God is into details!!!!  It sounds very hopeful that we may have a baby much sooner than we were expecting.  Brad & I felt that the possibility of having a baby by the time of the ministry opportunity and the fact that I received the call at 4 PM (the time I had planned to call to accept the opportunity) was God's way of closing the door and I called to say, "No!"

That night we began filling our paperwork for Graceful Adoptions.  We still have some more to do, but it's not too much considering what we've filled out previously.  Much of it is similar to what we've done before, so it's not difficult, it just takes time to put it in the format this agency wants.  It will cost over $20,000 to work with this agency and we will still have some other expenses.  We cannot use the two grants we've been given until we are almost finished with the adoption process.  (This is to guarantee the grants given support adoptions that are completed.)  We know that God is leading and as someone said, "Where God guides, He provides."

I continue to be encouraged by the quote from George Müller, "The greatness of the sum required affords me a kind of secret joy; for the greater the difficulty to be overcome, the more will it be seen to the glory of God how much can be done by prayer and faith."

For His Glory

For anyone who may be reading this blog, I promise, I won't always be talking about the past.  I will focus on the adoption, but this is how it started.  This is part of our journey.  Trust me, I'm leaving a lot out.  I don't want to be melodramatic, but it's not realistic (or even fair to others who have lost a baby) for me to act like I had a miscarriage and then God led us to adoption and everything is just peachy!

Life is tough at times, but God is good all the time!  We live in a fallen world, but we serve a risen Savior.  This week is filled with memories for me.  As I approach our son's birth and death day, I am allowing myself to grieve.  It hurts, but I know that God is working all things together for good.  (Romans 8:28)  I do not grieve as one who has no hope.  (I Thessalonians 4:13)  I know I will hold our firstborn son one day.

The day that I went into labor, I had studied Psalm 125 with the help of Beth Moore's Stepping Up: a journey through the Psalms of Ascent.  Here's a quote that stuck out to me, "Like the mountains surrounding Jerusalem, God is ever surrounding us.  He sees and sifts every life experience that could touch His child.  Nothing can break His grip."  As I went through the whole experience, that thought from Psalm 125:2 stuck with me.  I knew this couldn't have gotten to me without going through God first.

I was amazed at how God's Word and His people ministered to me and my family during our dark days.

After our miscarriage, it seemed verses about having sons kept coming up in my devotions.  I wasn't searching for those verses - they were in the studies I was doing.  I felt God was promising us a son, but I felt challenged in my reasons for wanting a son.  Did I really want a son for God's glory, or was it mainly to pass on my husband's name and family line?  I do NOT believe God was punishing me or that there's anything wrong with wanting to pass on my husband's name.  I do believe my ultimate goal for everything in my life should be God's glory!

Here's part of my journal from November 26th, 2008.
Tonight my mom talked about some KMBC students picketing an abortion clinic. She said there were like 18 girls that went in between around 6:00 and 9:00 AM. I said I couldn’t have done it. I said I would have been begging the girls to let me raise their baby.  Later it began to sink in that God may give us a son through adoption. That could be surrendering our family line and yet rearing a son for God’s glory.
“It’s all about You, Jesus. It’s all about You, for Your glory and Your fame. It’s not about me, as if You should do things my way. You alone are God and I surrender to Your way.”

I did NOT tell Brad about this journal entry that night.  In fact, I didn't tell him for several months, but I'll save that for another post.