The girls and I have been doing puzzles lately. We all enjoy them. Nicole is especially good at taking a puzzle piece, looking at a picture and figuring out where the piece belongs. A single piece can look rather bland or even ugly, but when it’s connected to the other pieces it helps make a beautiful picture. Sometimes, looking at a single piece, I wonder if it even belongs to the puzzle I’m working on. Often that’s how I feel about life.
Wednesday we received word that our adoption agency is closing. This news came as a total shock to me. We were so comfortable and at peace with this agency. We are aware that there are many agencies and organizations that help with adoptions, but we really didn’t feel we should “knock” on any other doors. We decided to simply apply with this agency and allow God to lead. When this news came, it caught me totally off-guard. What in the world is going on? How can we be following God’s leading to the best of our ability, be at peace with it and have a door shut in our face?
I realize that I am not supposed to understand how God works or why He works as He does, but that isn’t always comfortable. I know that God can take things that make no sense to me and make beauty from my ashes, but I must confess that hurts.
Our hope and our prayer in all of this, has been that God will be glorified. This has been a strange experience for me. It vaguely reminds me of the night of our miscarriage. No, it’s not nearly as intense as our miscarriage, because we weren’t yet matched to a child. We were still waiting and hoping – honestly I was beginning to wonder if we would ever be chosen. If we had been matched with a child, it would have been much more painful. The part that reminds me of that night, though, is that sadness with a sense of peace! I have the assurance that none of this caught God by surprise. I’m reminded that nothing gets to God’s children without going through Him first. I know our God is in control. So, I’ve cried. I’ve questioned. I’ve wondered where we go from here. I can’t see the picture. I have no clue where this puzzle piece fits. But I know our God sees the big picture and in His time, in His way, he will take this piece – that feels so random to me now – and fit it perfectly into His big picture.
We had a similar situation early in our adoption journey, only we had found SuLe already at that point. It looked like the door was closed and there was no possibility we would be able to adopt her. It was one of the worst things I've ever gone through, but "God will make a way where there seems to be no way." I pray the picture will soon become clear for you; the adoption process is not for the faint of heart!
ReplyDeletePraying God shows you clearly where He wants each piece to be placed, so that you arrive at the picture He knew was there all along.
ReplyDeleteIt's all a part of God's plan - once you get more pieces in the puzzle, you will be able to see God using even this to bring your new little one to your family.
ReplyDeletePraying for you all,
Gina Weeks